In a world that has become so obsessed with connectivity, we have become more disconnected than ever. Social media platforms were created to build communities and help people stay connected. As they’ve evolved, we have become consumed with staying current with the latest viral videos and trends. Being in the loop has shifted from seeing what’s “in season” in magazines to doom-scrolling a hundred reels with the same audio for an hour straight.

We are so hyper-connected. There are screens nearly everywhere you look. Even as I sit here writing this, Pride & Prejudice is playing on the TV, and my phone sits face-up next to me, even though it’s unlikely I’ll get a call or text at 11pm. I’m no doctor, but it’s as if we’ve become uncomfortable with slowing down and being still. Or maybe that’s just me….

When was the last time you stepped outside and looked up at the sky? No intentions, just tilted your head back, closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them to see the clouds moving slowly.

When was the last time you left your phone inside and walked barefoot through the grass with no distractions?

When was the last time you didn’t worry about the next thing to do or the next place you had to be? I know I’m not the only one who feels like the days rush by. How often have you said, “I just have to get through today” or “I just have to get through this week.” We’re always trying to move forward, always trying to make time go quicker.

But there are only so many tomorrows. One day, we’ll wonder what it was all for. We’ll be lucky if we regret not having enough time. The truth is, most of us are fortunate to have plenty of time. Most of us will live an average lifespan. Most of us will have an entire life to live and fill with adventures, memories, and wonder. That regret won’t be because we didn’t have enough time…it will be because we wasted too much time.

So, how do we stop wasting time in a society that requires us to give so much?

We give to our careers. We give to our family. We give emotional support, physical labor, mental labor. We give to make money. We make money to live. But when are we actually living?

I wish I had a solution, some sort of secret trick to besting the system. But I’m right there with the rest of you, figuring it out as I go, and - you guessed it - wishing I had more time. More time to rest. More time to write. More time to spend with the people who mean a lot to me. More time to travel. More time to explore my own city. More time to just breathe.

But those moments, that time, does exist. It’s a boat ride on Lake Michigan before the summer season fully begins. Bright, hot sun beating down while a cold wind comes off the water. It’s walking down Santa Monica Pier on a cold, rainy night and seeing bioluminescent waves for the first time. It’s a quiet dinner with a friend sitting along the Seine in Paris - baguette, Camembert, and a bottle of wine in hand. It’s opening the door to an old bookstore in Edinburgh, breathing in that musky smell of books and finding a rare first edition. It’s savoring the first sip of a hot coffee while looking up at the mountains in North Carolina. The smell of the first snow in Denmark and getting ready to experience the home of hygge.

No matter how much we wish for more time, it’s not coming. Time is the one resource you can never make more of. So what’s the solution? How do we break the cycle of living to work rather than working to live?

I’m no expert by any means. In all honesty, this is something that I’ve struggled with my entire life. I’ve never been settled. There’s never been a moment where I’ve looked at my current life and been like…this is it! Nowhere left to go from here, so let’s settle in and enjoy it! Nope, it’s always – this is what’s not working, so let’s work towards this instead. A friend loves to ask me, “Why are you uncomfortable when things are going well?” I haven’t fully unpacked that, so if you have any ideas, feel free to slip into my DMs.

What I do know is that one of the hardest lessons I am currently learning is that balance does not exist, at least not in the way we’re always aiming towards. Jay Shetty talks about this beautifully. He says, “We try to divide our time equally…you can’t do that. It’s impossible to divide your time equally if you work 8-9 hours. It can feel like you’re always working. Because it’s 75% of your day, it becomes 100% because you’re trying to get to 50/50.”

Which brings us back to the challenge of time. It comes down to quality over quantity. Think of some of your favorite memories. Just close your eyes for a moment and see what comes up first. I’ll do it too. I’m back at Pescadero Beach, listening to the waves roll in and the seagulls cawing. I can feel the cool wind on my face and smell the briny scent of the ocean. I’m wearing shoes, but I can still feel the sand's grittiness beneath my feet. I’m alone, wrapping up one of my favorite trips to date, and grateful for the experience. Sad to be leaving, devastated really, but also incredibly at peace in the moment.

I spent a half hour at Pescadero Beach at most. It’s not the first beach I’ve been to, and it won’t be the last. This moment is so vivid in my mind that it feels like I teleport back whenever I think of it.

It’s about quality vs. quantity. We might spend a lot of time working, but those hours fade over time. We might remember significant accomplishments and particularly rough days, but not much more than that. The memories that stick with us are what we do outside working hours.

This brings us back to what started this tangent reflective piece. We need to shut off. And I don’t mean disconnecting from people. I mean disconnect from technology. I know it sounds so simple, so obvious. What we really need is genuine, authentic connection. That’s not something that can be found on any device.

Traveling, stepping outside our comfort zone, discovering new places, meeting new people – these are all ways we can connect. These are all ways to create quality moments, even if there aren’t many. We need to stop putting so much weight on how much time we spend doing the things we love and instead prioritize using the time we do have well. Hopefully, one day, these moments won’t just be rich in quality but also abundant in quantity.

As I said earlier, I’m no expert. But it seems like the first step is to stop wishing time away. Instead of saying, “I just need to get through this day,” consider looking forward to something you can do later. Instead of, “I just need to get through this week,” make a plan for the weekend. It doesn’t have to be a grand, expensive trip. It can be as simple as looking forward to an afternoon coffee break or brunch with a friend. Step outside. Change your environment. And start looking for happiness in the small details, like the pink sky during sunset or the trees beginning to grow leaves again.

When you can travel, thoroughly soak up every single moment. Take slow mornings on the porch. Walk slowly through the city and leisurely dip in and out of stores. Order two desserts instead of one. Whatever will make that experience feel as fulfilling as possible, do it.

But besides all of this, find moments that help put into perspective how small you are in this big ol’ world. Find moments that prove how insignificant the cranky emails really are. Unless you’re literally a medical professional or first responder, lives are probably not at stake. The world will keep moving even if that deadline needs to be extended. Put the phone down. Turn the TV off. Close the laptop, even if it’s just for ten minutes.

Time is relentless - it stops for no one and nothing. Don’t wake up one day wishing you hadn’t wasted it worrying about the wrong things. Start connecting with people more. Ask them to meet for lunch. Invite them over for dinner. But also prioritize connecting with yourself. Connecting internally and nurturing our relationships with ourselves is as important as doing so with others. Grab the book collecting dust on your nightstand and take it outside for a bit of sunset reading. Bake a sweet treat and enjoy it warm from the oven. Take a journal to a coffee shop and write about what you see.

Slow. Down. Stop rushing. Stop giving more than you have to offer. Take it one day at a time, and remember to keep breathing, my friend. We’re all in this together, my friends 🩷